An Example of How I Am Both Mean and Brilliant

This morning CoWorker1 got back from a 4-week vacation to India. To punish her for leaving me, she came back to a cube that was completely packed up, wrapped in caution tape and plastic-spider-ridden cobwebs, with this tacked to the outside:

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Ms. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxr:

It has come to our attention that you have not reported to work in over two weeks. It is the policy of [Name of Company I Do Not Want To Be Fired From] that all employees must request vacation time in advance, with permission of their manager, or be considered to have left their position.

We have no record of vacation time requested. As of January 15, 2007 you are no longer considered an employee of [Name of Company I Do Not Want To Be Fired From].

It has been brought to our attention that your cubicle has been abandoned and your belongings have been packed by tearful coworkers who fear the worst.

In cleaning your internet history, we have also noted several adult sites had been bookmarked, as well as several questionable dating sites. We would advise you against such practices in the future, or to at least restrict them to your personal computer.

We do ask that you collect your things and depart the premises immediately upon receiving this notice.

Regards,

Yyyyyy Zzzzzzz
Director, Human Resources.