Does Not Play Well with Others

As much as I do not blog about work, I will tell you that I just got back from a Halloween “party”. CoWorker 1 somehow twisted my arm, because let me tell you I do not enjoy mingling. I like to say that I do not play well with others. The big lure for me was the promise of cookies, and they turned out to be pretty lame. Saying anything else might get me fired one day so I’ll stop there.

The thing is I really do not mingle. I do not do small talk well, nor do I particularly care to practice. I know how its supposed to work, but I can’t quite get it right. Something crucial eludes me, much like when I took physics and no matter what I did it was simply something beyond my capabilities. Whatever gene is responsible for the ability to converse about nothing in particular and yet be interesting and timely and witty is sadly missing. I’m the person that gets edged out of the conversation, or that gets interrupted and then promptly forgotten about, or that just really has nothing to say because everyone else is taking care of that end of things. I’m not competitive enough for group-talk situations or something. I’m not loud enough, or quick enough, or charming enough, and quite frankly I don’t care enough at that point to try and make myself be heard by whomever is there.

Now I realized that all that may sound kinda bitter, but the upside is that I’m actually so much better one-on-one. You need a listening ear, some advice, someone with bantery one-liners and I’m your woman. You need to gossip about stupid celebrity hijinks, WB shows, and have the random conversation about how you don’t fit in to this scene; come and find me.

Maybe I should just learn to elbow my way in, and how to forcibly get in a few lines of conversation; but I prefer the perspective that no, I actually don’t need to do all that. While there are times I like to be in the middle of things; it’s when its organic and I’m having fun with it and feeding off the energy instead of being tired by it. Put me in the middle of people I’m comfortable with and that I feel accepted by and just watch me go, you’d never know I was shy. Pushing comfort zones is great, but I really don’t need to pretend to be something I’m not.

When it’s the large-group small-talk do-or-die scene, I’d rather be that woman off to the side, that you come talk to when you need a breather from all the craziness of being in the middle of things, that will listen and then make you laugh, that will give you the latest on a lame tv show you don’t admit watching, that will take the edge off, that will be spontaneous when you want to ditch and just go for a walk, that you’ll drag in for a few moments and we’ll be the life of the party for a time, that you really can’t do without.