Drunken Performance Art

He got on a few stops after me. This was two nights ago as I was traveling home from the movies, so I was by myself though there were some other people in the car. I already had my book out, thankfully. This guy, somewhere in his twenties and kinda smelly, gets on the train and is already singing ‘Message in a Bottle’. He has this long FEDEX tube and when he sits down he plays it like a drum and sings louder and louder until the song is over. Overheated by his efforts, he makes big production of getting up and taking off his jacket and a shirt. Thankfully he layered that day. I peeked to make sure. He then announces, loudly, to the entire car that he would like to sing with us. He knows that we all like to sing so pick a song because everyone likes to sing and he wants to sing with us. Come on, sing with him. That scares off the middle-aged couple sitting in the row with him. Also, his seat is directly across from mine, so I’m really making sure that I’m very engrossed in my book while keeping an eye on him. There are people sitting in my row, so I don’t’ feel like I need to move. No one will sing with him so he sits down. And he is staring at me, apparently boring into my soul. He then gets up, facing me, and starts doing some sort of tai chi thing. There was lots of moving his arms and knee bends and exaggerated breathing. And staring. Right at me. And he inches closer to me. And just when I’m thinking that I might need to kick him and move, he changes position so that he is sideways, and a few seats farther back. And then he gives his grand finale of a tai chi and mini-thrusting combo. And then he finally sits down. We both got off at the next stop and he just disappeared into the crowd.