Take Back the Night
excerpted

Once I really delved into everything, I was able to see healing that had already taken place. I was able to give voice to what had not yet healed, and I realized that I was okay. And that I could be happy about that, that being okay didn’t mean being raped wasn’t terrible and painful. I learned that healing didn’t make the experience invalid or meaningless. I learned that acknowledgement is extremely important to me, and that moving ahead with my life, and myself, doesn’t mean that I am not acknowledging what I went through.

The fact is rape happens more often than we know. It happens at parties, at home, at bars, in cities and in the country. It happens to the old and young. It happens when and where we never thought it would.

I once said that I wouldn’t let fear control my life; that I would act in spite of it. I am doing that now and everyday. Every survivor I know is. Everyone connected to a survivor is. I don’t believe in ignoring fear, I believe in acknowledging it and fighting it. I believe that there is power in speaking out, in giving a voice to ourselves, fears and all. In my experience, you cannot heal from rape until you acknowledge it; you cannot stop it until you face it.

Even if you don’t know who, chances are you know someone who has been raped. Not everyone is able to speak up, and not everyone has the relatively cut-and-dry case that I did. In many ways, I am lucky. I am grateful to my God, my friends, and my community, it thanks to all that, that I am able to speak up and that I choose to talk about my rape. I choose to say something because I can, because others are not yet able to. Because we are all a part of each other’s healing and we are all a part of someone’s life who has been affected by rape, because sometimes you need to help carry someone else.