Generally, my policy is that if a guy has the guts to ask me out, I’ll go. First dates carry no obligations, and can be really casual, more of a social outlet type thing, where all you do is spend time with someone you didn’t know as well. In the past, that’s been fine. I’ve had a few where while I’m not attracted; we’ve had a good time, and when I see them at parties, at church, or wherever, we are friendlier than we would have been and at least you got to know them a bit. It’s good to be on dates where you’re not so nervous and it’s good to just be social that way sometimes. Especially when you go to church with a bunch of singles that ostensibly want to get married at some point, you may as well get to know who’s there. Frankly, I don’t have the guts to ask someone out, and if they are harmless and someone I don’t know that well (therefore already knowing no way in heck), why not?
I just knew this guy was going to ask me out, but I hoped to avoid it. I barely know him, he’s only been around a few times in groups of friends. He’s not someone I stop to talk to and not someone I think of to hang out with. He’s nice and harmless, but socially awkward enough that I’m not all that comfortable around him. The thought of having a dinner to sit through makes me a cringe a little, and then I feel mean about it. Not the kind of date where you at least would have a good time getting to know someone, or doing something fun. Clearly, though, he didn’t get the hint that I’d rather not go out with him. He stopped me in the hall this past Sunday, after waiting for me to catch up to him, and running after me a bit when I breezed by him. He said he had tried to e-mail me this week (and there would really be no reason for this other than a personal matter, and there is nothing person connecting us), and I told him that it must have been trashed in my junk mail folder since my filter is set on high. I didn’t ask for any explanation as to what he wanted, I simply excused myself and moved on. I had hoped that that would have been brush off enough. I was polite, nice, but not overtly friendly or conversational and very ‘get me out of here’. Apparently, it wasn’t. I had also hoped that then he would just ask me out over the e-mail, which is easy to say no to, but apparently not.
I got his call last night after 10:00pm. This is not the time to call when you want someone to do something for or with you, not if you barely know the person and have no idea if they actually get up early. After ten is only acceptable for family, good friends, and major venting or emergency needs. The following is the gist:
Mr. Socially Awkward, though Nice and Harmless: I wouldn’t call so late, but I just got home.
Me (in my head): Well, that’s not really my problem, but whatever” (He’s lucky. The one time this woman called me early on a Sunday morning, another unacceptable time to call, she knew it.)
Me (out loud): Oh, alriiiight.
Mr. SANH: I was wondering if you’d like to go the movies tomorrow night.
Me (quickly): Oh, I’m busy. (And I do have plans.)
Mr. SANH: Okay. Silence.
Me: I’m sure you’ll find a group of people to go to the movies with.
Mr. SANH: Okay. Silence.
Me: Alright then I gotta go bye.
Mr. SANH: Bye.
So only like 30 seconds like, but let’s I hope I don’t have to repeat it in person, on the phone, or in an e-mail. Honestly, it would only amount to a pity date. If I were to ask someone out, and that’s all it would be, I’d rather be given a gentle hint in the ‘no’ direction so I could save some face and move on.
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