Today I want to discuss the much-ignored topic of Unicorn humping. Let me state for the record that not enough Unicorns are humping, and this is the crux of the issue. These legendary, mythical creatures, popularized for most of you in the 1980s via the rainbow sticker are on the wane—all but removed from the collective cultural lexicon of today’s youth. I know the 1980s were a different time. Reaganomics (Voodoo Economics) reigned supreme, excess was all the rage, and every successful young male was named Todd or Trevor. Unicorns had their hey day in this era of satin snap button jackets and face glitter. But these noble creatures must remember their former glory and continue to propagate their species. No more confusion over where the horns go. Just hump, for Pete’s sake! It will all make sense in the moment, just give yourself to the humping process. (This message has been brought to you by a bought of temporary insanity and is the product of Cat’s sick imagination, though I chose to be her willing conduit of madness.)