You know, everything I said below is true, in that, that is how I feel. However, my intention was not to cause bitterness or anger or angst...this is where I vent and that is what I needed to do. I do feel very alone and I do feel really badly when I come down and am still alone. That's just how I feel.

I do understand, I get it. People just can't do it. I get it. That doesn't mean that I feel better though. I seriously look forward to the holidays and dread it at the same time. It's sad for me to know that if I were to move back, I'd still be alone when all this time I thought otherwise. It's sad to know that your friends wouldn't really have a place for you in thier lives. It's sad that the few times you are around, that time is not spent with them, bu they are filling thier time while I have noone.

I get it though. I understand. I can't stress that enough. That's just how it is with me and I need to suck it up. But I'm going to allow myself to feel bad, because I'm trying very hard to not repress so much and work through things:). I just hope that people can understand that. When I'm around, I have no choice but to be understanding. I just need to express myself. I'll feel bad, but that is for me to worry about...noone else responsible for that. And I just can't keep repressing everything, I'll explode. The people that read those are those that I trust with my feelings and what is going on with me. I need to feel that I can do that. I'm glad that there are people that can do that wtih me.

But I know, I understand and I do truly appreciate good intentions...the thought does count for something.:)

I hope I got across that I was just venting and trying to be a little open...this is my space for that...I do know that I am loved and feel very blessed for that!

I have got to go to bed now. I am making no sense and I've gotta get up early to go move my car. Parking can suck:)