Well, I love what Sammie Joy has to say there. At times, I would even agree. Then there are times when I just think that while I may not think that I am a loser or somehow distasteful or whatever, other people certainly do. Of course cuteboy didn't want to talk to me tonight. Of course I left feeling badly. I did go and talk to him...but I'm not so sure he was happy about it and I think he got out of it as soon as possible (just sorta blended in with some other people leaving, who had to walk inbetween us). Sometimes, while I really hope that great things happen to and for me, I just don't see how they will. I guess a 'good' thing is that leaving B&B every week feeling badly sorta opens up a window into the ability to feel in general...and think about other things that I'm working through. It does help me to un-numb. I have a lot of work to do, and at least that sorta leads me into feeling other things. They are very painful. Plus, I wish there was something else that could do that for me, it's just another thing to hurt me right now, but it is helping to get the job done.

On a more fun note (not that I'm feeling fun at the moment...) here is my result from the inkblot 'what drives your mind' test. I think it's kinda true, and not in a bad way:

cat, your unconscious mind is driven most by Love

Everyone has a desire to love. But your desire is rooted very deeply in your unconscious and affects many of the decisions you make in life — whether you are aware of it or not.

You have an energy about you that inspires people to experience their true feelings of love and act kindly towards others. In this way, you and your drive for loving relationships start a chain reaction of positive experiences.

The reason you are driven by love, may be because your unconscious is trying to avoid the opposite of love — hate. You, more than others, may be afraid of experiencing severe discord with others. That may, in turn, heavily influence your choices about relationships and the way you communicate your ideas, wants, and desires to others.

With such a strong orientation towards loving others, your relationships hold a very special place in your life. Your capacity to love may be greater than those around you, and therefore you may have more to give in relationships than your romantic partner does. Remember that this is a gift you have and one most others don't possess.