I've Learned to Embrace My Dorkness. Take That.

Well, I'm only here because I haven't been in a while (again) and I'm not really do much else tonight. Life's been going. I had a fun July 4 up in Gloucester at this amazing house that belonged to one of the original interior designers. It was beautiful, and I had a really good time. I've never really had a set group of friends up here. I flit around, and people move in and out. I've been a bit shy in organizing my own small events, as though part of me is still afraid of being thought a dork or something. Heh, I do happen to love my dorkness. Yet I do occasionally have people over for dinner, or organize an outing. I'm not popular enough (honestly, Nina; and I never wanted to be considered one of the popular girls) to be considered a real social butterfly, I've got a more random social life than that. Most people seem to meet someone(s) that they click with and do most things with, sort of friend/roommate soulmate sort of thing, and I have yet to fall into that. It does leave me feeling a bit alone, and I do wish I had that one or two or three really close friends here who were my 'peeps'. Most people I know do have that. I am on the fringes of that, the people I often do things with have that with someone else, and sometimes I am included and invited along. So, I accept the invitations I want to, and there are some really great people here. I just wish I had that sort of companionability, so to speak. And while I do wish for that, I don't mean to be all self-pitying or anything. I've accepted that that simply is not how it is for me, and in the meantime I'm trying to strengthen friendships and be more open and more myself and have fun. I'm lucky that I have more friends than I did last year, and that there are some just good people who I have gotten to know. At some point hopefully I'll have the sort of stability, yet randomness, that I want. Perhaps a stable coterie of friends who are up for randomness:) Why am I so complicated? It must be part of my charm.